Miss Snark's First Victim
This is fun. The sentences don't flow nicely off the tongue... something about the structure is a bit complex, but they are hooking.Btw, Rhea immediately conjured an image of a witch to mind, based on Rhea of the Coos from Wizard and Glass.
I like this, but I'd replace "sanguine"--it's a bit off.
I'm definitely curious about what they're doing here.
I like it. I had to look up sanguine though. Maybe a simpler adjective here. I'd read on.
Heh, I was wondering about the "sanguine" word choice there for a moment, but the second sentence cinched it for me, so I would say hooked.
I think you should identify the "his" and the word sanguine would stop me since I have no idea what it means. this is a good start. I would read on to find out more.
I'd like a name instead of "his". Other than that, I like the tone.
Not sure about the 'sanguine fluid'...My first thought "She has sad blood?" I'm probably just confused. Sounds like vamps to me. I'd read a little more to see where you are going, but I don't read too much vamp fiction...
Sounds like a vamp story (of which I have an aversion to). Sorry, not hooked.
I'd read more. You might cut "of sanguine fluid," though.
The only minor nit I have here is that "his" seemed a bit bland at the end of what otherwise is quite intriguing. If "he" has a name, could you use it here? If he's some anonymous victim, perhaps you could give us something a tad more descriptive?I'd read on. :-)
Original TextTwo drops of sanguine fluid were all that Rhea could squeeze out of her sliced finger. It seemed her blood was a bit thicker than his.Average Grade LevelAverage Readability Level: 4.5Average of grade levels scores that follow.Approximation of number of years of education required* to read text.Specific ScoresFlesch-Kincaid Reading Ease (Wikipedia): 99.3Aim for 60 to 80. The higher the score, the more readable the text.Flesch-Kincaid Grade Level (Wikipedia): 2.6Approximation of number of years of education required* to read text.Gunning-Fog Score (Wikipedia): 5.2Approximation of number of years of education required* to read text.Coleman-Liau Index (Wikipedia): 8.4Approximation of number of years of education required* to read text.SMOG Index (Wikipedia): 1.8Approximation of number of years of education required* to read text.Automated Readability Index (Wikipedia): 4.5Approximation of number of years of education required* to read text They're right, sanguine is a good word, but off-putting for a first sentence. It made me wonder if I would find more difficult words later.Your reading ease is good.
Interesting. I’d read more. I think the words “a bit” are a bit unnecessary ;)
Great sentences except for the word 'sanguine.' It seemed to interrupt the flow. But I liked the second sentence and got the feel of a mystical story.
The language and sentence structure don't match the sense of forboding you're trying to build--they're too overworked and "purple prose." I think simpler would be better in this instance.