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Hooked! I would definitely read on. It promises an interesting ghost story.
ReplyDeleteI liked this a lot and would definitely keep on reading. Any story coming from a ghost is a great plot angle for me. Nice hook!
ReplyDeleteI enjoyed the delivery and the voice, though I hate paranormal so it's unfortunately a pass--to no fault of the writing.
ReplyDeleteThe last bit... "like she had drowned a year ago" felt rushed... tacked on.
I know you're limited to two sentences here, but I think you could spread this to three or four in the writing to greater effect.
Hooked! When you first read it, you think ... oh, it's just a bartender watching a man at a bar ... but BAM! Nope! She's dead! Cool!
ReplyDeleteSo Selene is a ghost? I like it.
ReplyDeleteHeh... was Calvin sleeping on the dresser? That's my mental picture since you mentioned the dresser...
ReplyDeleteThat said - I like the quiet sound to your MC here, and am hooked by the ghost character element.
Oh, interesting. I absolutely didn't see the ghost part. I thought Selene meant she'd drowned her memories a year ago.
ReplyDeleteI don't read paranormal, though, so I guess I just didn't go in that direction right away!
I think it works as it is, although the second sentence is long and comma-heavy... I don't know if we need to know where he's drinking - could you just say the losing himself in the drink part and leave out local bars?
Ghost as a POV character, well, that's intriguing! I'd read.
ReplyDeleteNice start.
ReplyDeletewhoa! Definitely hooked. Dark beginning can be very intriguing. I would love to know their relationship and what they have to drown out.
ReplyDeleteI wouldn't say I'm absolutely hooked yet, but I would probably read on a bit to see if something actually happens in this scene, or if it's all just musings and backstory.
ReplyDeleteSelene is a ghost and ex-girlfriend to Calvin, who is not handling her death well. Yeah, I’d bite.
ReplyDeleteWoah! She's a ghost!! I was shocked and interested.
ReplyDelete