Miss Snark's First Victim
I'm not sure what a trestle table is, but I'd at least read a little bit more. I'm curious if the first sentence refers to scrunching her finger, or if there's something else going on.
I think you could take out the first sentence and start with the bugger line; it might be stronger. And I know what a trestle table is--I think it's fine to leave that in there. I like this!
I agree lose the first sentence. I might read on.
Launch the first sentence or alter it and put it as the second instead. I'd keep reading a bit more though.
I agree with the others: lose the first sentence. Start with "Bugger!" The second sentence has great voice. Love it. I'd keep reading.
Yes, start with the dialogue, for sure. I would read on. And I don't know what a trestle table is, either. I'd still read on. :)
I like the first sentence, the second seemed anti-climactic though. Generally, I prefer to see the action first and then the reaction to it. Here you have it reversed.
If she knew it would happen, why is she swearing when it did, as if in surprise? "Trestle" makes it sound like a historical novel... I'd stop reading.
I agree with everyone about the first sentence. I'd also be interested to keep reading. Trestle table drums up images of the medieval period, but bugger is a 20th Century term. I'd be curious to see where it's all going.
I agree about the first sentence: Either lose it or swap the sentence order.Love the voice in the second sentence! I'm intrigued by the juxtaposition of modern and not-modern terms, so I'd read on to see what's up. :-)
Too vague. I don't get the connection between sentences.I don't know what a trestle table is either, but I'd give it a few more lines to find out.
The first sentence doesn't really add anything here. I think the second line is the stronger opening. Start with the tension, not the lead-up to it.
Kinda funny. But not too intriguing. I'd probably read on to see if the next part got my attention.
I’d bite. Partly because I’d want to know if she was crushing her finger on purpose or accident and partly because I love Bugger as a swear.
Thank you to all of you for your feedback and encouragement. The first sentence has met the delete button, and the trestle table has mutated into a folding table...