It reminded me of home.
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Wednesday, December 3, 2008
Summer in Houston means temperatures in the hundreds, humidity in the nineties, and mosquitoes so fat with blood they can barely stay airborne.
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Beautiful. The voice is fantastic.ReplyDelete
I'm not a literary fan, so I'd be looking for some activity and explosions in the next few paras (or the promise thereof). If it stays nostalgic then I'd loose interest.
If it turns active, then I'm totally in for the ride.
Excellent first sentence. I would read on.ReplyDelete
I'd also read on. I want to find out more.ReplyDelete
I can relate, so I would read on.ReplyDelete
Great storytelling! I totally pictured the fat mosquitoes!ReplyDelete
The description is lovely and really promises the writing will be well crafted.ReplyDelete
Lovely. Reminds me of Anne Rivers Siddons. I'd read further.ReplyDelete
Nice description, and I usually don't like that in an opening. I'm not sure I'm exactly hooked but I'd probably give it a bit, as the second sentence intrigues me.ReplyDelete
Very poetic. Not all that intriguing for me. But I would probably read on to find out why the person isn't home.ReplyDelete
Good initial description. That, combined with the twist in the second sentence, hooked me.ReplyDelete
Yes. Nice and tidy.ReplyDelete
I agree with Wulf that my 'yes' hinges on what comes next.
I really liked this. Vivid and punchy.ReplyDelete
I'd definitely read on.
Great voice, great writing, but it didn't hint at anything escept that home was like Houston. I'd want more of a sense of where it's going, or might go.ReplyDelete
Not bad. The first is descriptive, while the second hooks you. I’d at least read the rest of this page to see if you could hook me further.ReplyDelete
Anyone who has lived in or near Houston will be inside this scene immediately. ;-)ReplyDelete
I love "mosquitoes so fat they could barely stay airborne," but I might cut "with blood." It interrupts the flow of the sentence and seems unnecessary. What else would mosquitoes be fat with? (Unless you're writing sci-fi or fantasy, and then they could be fat with lord only knows what.)
The voice is at once crisp and down-to-earth. Love it. :-)
Lovely imagery. Nice voice. I'd read on, but hope that something happens to keep me intrigued.ReplyDelete
It made me wonder where home, that's so much like Houston yet isn't Houston, lies.ReplyDelete
I liked it, but the first sentence is present tense and the second is past. Maybe it should be, "Summer in Houston MEANT..." Or "It REMINDS me of home." Or maybe I'm just off my rocker. :) I still liked it, great imagery.ReplyDelete
Good descriptions of the setting and mood, but I'd still like to see a push towards the tension in these opening lines. I'd read on to see where this is going, but I think it could be even stronger.ReplyDelete
I'd read on, but mosquitos, ewww.
You made me feel that one. Great Job.