I'm not a literary fan, so I'd be looking for some activity and explosions in the next few paras (or the promise thereof). If it stays nostalgic then I'd loose interest.
If it turns active, then I'm totally in for the ride.
Nice description, and I usually don't like that in an opening. I'm not sure I'm exactly hooked but I'd probably give it a bit, as the second sentence intrigues me.
Great voice, great writing, but it didn't hint at anything escept that home was like Houston. I'd want more of a sense of where it's going, or might go.
Anyone who has lived in or near Houston will be inside this scene immediately. ;-)
I love "mosquitoes so fat they could barely stay airborne," but I might cut "with blood." It interrupts the flow of the sentence and seems unnecessary. What else would mosquitoes be fat with? (Unless you're writing sci-fi or fantasy, and then they could be fat with lord only knows what.)
The voice is at once crisp and down-to-earth. Love it. :-)
I liked it, but the first sentence is present tense and the second is past. Maybe it should be, "Summer in Houston MEANT..." Or "It REMINDS me of home." Or maybe I'm just off my rocker. :) I still liked it, great imagery.
Good descriptions of the setting and mood, but I'd still like to see a push towards the tension in these opening lines. I'd read on to see where this is going, but I think it could be even stronger.
Beautiful. The voice is fantastic.
ReplyDeleteI'm not a literary fan, so I'd be looking for some activity and explosions in the next few paras (or the promise thereof). If it stays nostalgic then I'd loose interest.
If it turns active, then I'm totally in for the ride.
Excellent first sentence. I would read on.
ReplyDeleteI'd also read on. I want to find out more.
ReplyDeleteI can relate, so I would read on.
ReplyDeleteGreat storytelling! I totally pictured the fat mosquitoes!
ReplyDeleteThe description is lovely and really promises the writing will be well crafted.
ReplyDeleteLovely. Reminds me of Anne Rivers Siddons. I'd read further.
ReplyDeleteNice description, and I usually don't like that in an opening. I'm not sure I'm exactly hooked but I'd probably give it a bit, as the second sentence intrigues me.
ReplyDeleteVery poetic. Not all that intriguing for me. But I would probably read on to find out why the person isn't home.
ReplyDeleteGood initial description. That, combined with the twist in the second sentence, hooked me.
ReplyDeleteYes. Nice and tidy.
ReplyDeleteI agree with Wulf that my 'yes' hinges on what comes next.
Great! Hooked!
ReplyDeleteI really liked this. Vivid and punchy.
ReplyDeleteI'd definitely read on.
Great voice, great writing, but it didn't hint at anything escept that home was like Houston. I'd want more of a sense of where it's going, or might go.
ReplyDeleteNot bad. The first is descriptive, while the second hooks you. I’d at least read the rest of this page to see if you could hook me further.
ReplyDeleteAnyone who has lived in or near Houston will be inside this scene immediately. ;-)
ReplyDeleteI love "mosquitoes so fat they could barely stay airborne," but I might cut "with blood." It interrupts the flow of the sentence and seems unnecessary. What else would mosquitoes be fat with? (Unless you're writing sci-fi or fantasy, and then they could be fat with lord only knows what.)
The voice is at once crisp and down-to-earth. Love it. :-)
Lovely imagery. Nice voice. I'd read on, but hope that something happens to keep me intrigued.
ReplyDeleteIt made me wonder where home, that's so much like Houston yet isn't Houston, lies.
ReplyDeleteI'm hooked.
I liked it, but the first sentence is present tense and the second is past. Maybe it should be, "Summer in Houston MEANT..." Or "It REMINDS me of home." Or maybe I'm just off my rocker. :) I still liked it, great imagery.
ReplyDeleteGood descriptions of the setting and mood, but I'd still like to see a push towards the tension in these opening lines. I'd read on to see where this is going, but I think it could be even stronger.
ReplyDeleteEwwww,
ReplyDeleteI'd read on, but mosquitos, ewww.
You made me feel that one. Great Job.