Miss Snark's First Victim
I'd read on. Is her father dead? Why is she looking through binoculars? Oh yes, this raises so many questions. Good job!
I'm confused about the situation, but it seems intriguing.
I could picture the pilot being a local, perhaps in Hawaii or some such place, and blaming her father's disappearance on a local legend...I'd read on, to see if I was right, and because now I want to know what REALLY happened!Good hook!:) Terri
"forced her attention back to her binoculars"I get it, they're hers... :)Other than this over-possessive bit (something that bugs me a lot in writing lately), this is hooking and fun. Yay!
You don't need the extra 'he' in the first sentence. It reads more clearly as "your father has been swallowed by the god of this place."
Your father - he has orYour father has been My problem here is the fact that she seems to shrug the comment off when she goes back to her binoculars.
Er, I was a bit too confused at the DL and then the second sentence. Sorry, not hooked.
Hmm...sounds like her father is lost on some creepy island. She wants to find him but the pilot is superstitious or something.I'd read on!
Intriguing. I'd read on to see what the story is about.
I like it. I can see it.
Not hooked, sorry. I would separate “your father” from the rest of the first sentence and make it a sentence fragment. There should be a comma after pilot. The only hook this opening has for me is that her father has been swallowed by a god. That’s just good imagery and makes me wonder what really happened.
Not quite hooked yet. The sentence structures seem odd to me, as does her lack-of-expression at looking at the place where her father supposedly died. It's intriguing, but I think it could be even better.
I'd have to read more of this to see why Victoria seems so thoroughly unconcerned about her father becoming a snack.
For me, the first sentence felt overly formal and a little awkward (because of the formality). I had to slow down and make sure I got it. I don't think I'd read on, just because I want to be sucked in and just readin' right along, and I'm working with sentence 1.Just my opinion, of course, and it's hard to judge anything from two sentences! :-)