Weren't there four horsemen, or was that part of the joke?
I suppose that would make me read on, just because I'd want to see where this is going, but you'd better hook me within a few paragraphs or I'd put it down.
I don't see how this can transition into a story. Either the MC goes on, which nullifies asking someone to stop him/her, or the MC stops, which nullifies even brining up the joke.
The voice is slightly interesting but I'm leaning towards not hooked.
Not bad. Since it’s not in quotation marks, I’m assuming the narrator is speaking directly to the reader, which can sometimes feel a tad awkward, but depending on how you spin it, it could work. (<-- talk about a run-on, yeesh! me, not you) Anyway, I would continue reading, mostly because your narrator sounds interesting.
Out of 80 entries, there are only two I want to see more of, and this is one of them. I like the casual tone, and anything with sins/horsemen's gotta be good.
This has a fun beginning. I'm hooked enough to read more.
ReplyDeleteOh stop! Stop!
ReplyDeleteIt's a personal thing, but telling jokes and asking if I've heard it before is like fingernails scratching on a board for me.
I'd read on to see if the other person stops the joke or if the teller just plows on no matter what.
I like the tone set here. I'd read on.
ReplyDeleteWeren't there four horsemen, or was that part of the joke?
ReplyDeleteI suppose that would make me read on, just because I'd want to see where this is going, but you'd better hook me within a few paragraphs or I'd put it down.
:) Terri
The voice is great. Now get busy with the story to back it up!
ReplyDeleteThis is funny. I would read on.
ReplyDeleteI'm hooked.
ReplyDeleteBut I did note there are 4 horsemen of the apocalypse -- hope that wasn't a mistake
I'd read on. Funny.
ReplyDeleteI'm hooked. This was hilarous! I liked how the second sentence seemed to be talking to the reader.
ReplyDeleteHa! I like this one.
ReplyDeleteI liked this too, although usually I'm not crazy about starting with a question.
ReplyDeleteLove it. The informal conversational tone is appealing, and I'm instantly wondering what happened to the fourth horseman. Cool!
ReplyDeleteHeh, I liked it a lot. "Keep going," I'd say. "I want to read more."
ReplyDeleteI laughed, but I'm not sure how I feel about this as the opening to a novel. I'm not sure if I'd keep reading or not...
ReplyDeleteWow, I bet that was super helpful. :)
This seems a promising enough beginning. I'd keep reading.
ReplyDeleteNo... I'm sorry.
ReplyDeleteI kinda had the same reaction as Lyon. :i
Hahaha! So yes. %-) Loved the tone and set up right away. I want to read more!
ReplyDeleteBy the way, I'm assuming the use of "three" instead of 4 is part of the joke...
ReplyDeleteSorry, but it's a bit corny to start with a joke but not finish it. I wouldn't read any further.
ReplyDeleteI don't see how this can transition into a story. Either the MC goes on, which nullifies asking someone to stop him/her, or the MC stops, which nullifies even brining up the joke.
ReplyDeleteThe voice is slightly interesting but I'm leaning towards not hooked.
Love it. Very funny. I'd read on to see where it goes. I'm thinking urban fantasy?
ReplyDeleteI really want to hear the rest of it!
ReplyDeleteNot bad. Since it’s not in quotation marks, I’m assuming the narrator is speaking directly to the reader, which can sometimes feel a tad awkward, but depending on how you spin it, it could work. (<-- talk about a run-on, yeesh! me, not you) Anyway, I would continue reading, mostly because your narrator sounds interesting.
ReplyDeleteLove the opening line. Quirky, funny, and unexpected. I'd absolutely read on!
ReplyDeleteLove it!
ReplyDeleteAnd I don't recall ever seeing this kind of beginning before....
Out of 80 entries, there are only two I want to see more of, and this is one of them. I like the casual tone, and anything with sins/horsemen's gotta be good.
ReplyDeleteI love wry humour, and a writer who assumes her reader is intelligent enough to know there are four horsemen is definitely going to keep me reading.
ReplyDeleteThis sounds a little stand-up comedy/slapsticky to me...not personal taste. I'd pass, sorry.
ReplyDeleteThe tone doesn't appeal to me.
ReplyDeleteLOL! I've gotta read at least the first page of anything that smacks me in the face right off the bat with what promises to be a bad joke. :-)
ReplyDeleteJust sticking a comment in so I can get email notification of all your worthy comments. Thank you kindly.
ReplyDelete