TITLE: Savage Jungle
GENRE: MG SF
Stranded during an alien wild safari, twelve-year-old techie Kreith must battle his insecurities along with electrocats, giant land squids, and other treacherous creatures—all while he struggles to escape the most lethal jungle in the universe.
Nice situational tension. Was he stranded on purpose? What are the odds? I'd read more.
ReplyDeleteSounds exciting! I think the, "-all while he struggles to escape the most lethal jungle in the universe." is a little redundant though. It's obviously lethal by what you previously mentioned him battling. As SMKrafty said, I'd use the freed up space to better explain just how he came to be stranded. Other than that, great job!
ReplyDeleteThe end of this makes it sound like battling these conflicts is something he has to do while he is struggling to escape when in fact, these conflicts are creating the struggle in the first place.
ReplyDeleteOverall, I think you have all the elements you need here but the order could use some tweaking. It's always better to start with the goal so the conflict makes sense without re-reading.
Good luck!
Holly
I snagged up on 'alien wild safari'. Should it be wildlife?
ReplyDeleteWhen you read the last part, it doesn't quite make sense. The lethal jungle is covered by the creatures (which sound great) it reads like repetition.
Maybe just change that last bit to 'or he may never escape etc etc'
Sounds like a great read :)
I love this idea! It sounds so fun. I would end after 'escape.' See:
ReplyDeleteStranded during an alien wild safari, twelve-year-old techie Kreith must battle his insecurities along with electrocats, giant land squids, and other treacherous creatures—all while he struggles to escape.
Just a thought. Love this concept!
Sounds like a great read. I agree with Kate that it might read better as an alien wildlife safari and unless the jungle itself is alive and trying to kill him, then the part about trying to escape the lethal jungle is redundant.
ReplyDelete