TITLE: THE TROUBLE WITH FROGS
When ten-year-old Samantha's witchy stepmom-to-be starts changing the boys in Sam's class into frogs, Sam must bribe and trick the fifth-grade girls into changing them back with magic kisses. Next thing Sam knows, she's a frog herself. If she can't break the witch's curse, she'll be slurping down crickets forever.
I love this whole set-up. It does beg a couple of questions.ReplyDelete
o Why must Sam get the other girls to do this? Why doesn't her teacher get them to do it, for instance? Is it because Sam doesn't want the girls to know her step-mom-to be is a witch, or she doesn't want the girls to know they have magic kisses, or?
o "...can't break the witch's spell" is too vague. Must she get one of the girls to kiss her and break the spell? If so, say so.
This sounds super cute, but I agree with MargotG about adding a few details, like why Sam had to bribe and trick the fifth grade girls. Is magic a secret?ReplyDelete
I humbly urge you to reconsider perpetuating the worn stereotype of the wicked stepmother. It does real harm to real families. Read the book Stepmonster, or research any of the dozens of blogs written about step/blended families for more info.ReplyDelete
My main question is whether this is a world where magic is a secret or not as Chelle818 asked. I see the genre is fantasy but unsure if there are fantastical elements in an otherwise realistic world or if this is a totally different world with different rules.ReplyDelete
Very cute. I'd say to go with this as is.ReplyDelete
If the kids already know about the frogs and magic kisses, why can't they change her back? Wouldn't they notice that she was missing? Wouldn't her dad notice she was missing? It seems like her dad should be a bigger part of the stakes somehow.ReplyDelete
Thank you for the comments. I have a longer version that addresses the issues raised (she's the only one who can hear them, a girl only has one magic kiss, and no, magic is not normal). I was hoping the short version would be enough to interest without "why"s being so overwhelming, but, alas, I was wrong. Thanks again!ReplyDelete
Ouch! As a stepmom, I worked hard to make sure all our kids got equal care - could you turn the story into a discovery for Sam that evil stepmothers are a fairytale? Otherwise, love the idea of turning kids into frogs and back again.ReplyDelete
This is a mash-up of The Frog Prince and Snow White and the Seven Dwarves. This isn't an attack on stepmoms--it's a fantasy about a witch who's trying to gain power from Sam's family.ReplyDelete
Sounds funny! I understand who Sam is, and my guess is that the girls don't want to kiss the frogs. The leap I didn't make was why am's efforts to help the boys results in her transformation to a frog. The consequences are clear!ReplyDelete
Good luck with the story!
This sounds cute. I like the suggestions to explain Sam's ending up as a frog. But over all I like. Instead of labeling the witch as step-mom-to-be, perhaps explain something like: "Griselda," the witch who's opposed Sam's family for generations now brings to battle to Sam's backyard, bewitching her dad and turning the boys in Sam's elementary school into frogs.ReplyDelete
I know its rough, but it skips the labels and focuses on the struggle between an/protagonists.
Best of luck.
Sam is a girl. Why isn't she kissing the frogs?ReplyDelete
This is cute. I think we definitely need to know the stepmonster's motivation here as it sounds like that is Samantha's real battle.ReplyDelete
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