Tuesday, October 22, 2013

Logline Critique Round Three #17

TITLE: Witch Way Down
GENRE: Urban Fantasy

A practicing psychic and struggling witch, Grace Taylor uses her psychic gifts to help the NOPD solve monster-related crime until her picture makes the newspapers and a vampire intent on revenge marks her as his next target. The good guys want to use her, the bad guys want to kill her, and Grace must decide how far she’s willing to go in order to survive.

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8 comments:

  1. SMKraftyOctober 22, 2013 at 11:43 AM

    You have me until the very last, 'how far she's willing to go in order to survive.' This makes it sound like she might not want to survive? Maybe something like 'Grace struggles to make dangerous decisions that can mean life or death.
    Nice job.

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  2. YA writerOctober 22, 2013 at 2:35 PM

    Yes!

    Just a few things:
    A practicing psychic and
    what gifts does she have that they want her to use? name them.

    What is the NOPD?

    Love "monster-related crime"

    last sentence needs specificity: how far (is this a distance?) If not, what obstacles must she overcome?

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  3. krashnburnOctober 22, 2013 at 2:37 PM

    I can't but think Anita Blake when I read this. For me, this logline isn't different enough from many of those books to stand out.

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  4. lsjohnsonOctober 22, 2013 at 3:14 PM

    I'm not sure you need the second line at all--? Not sure how wedded I am to that idea either, but there's quite a bit going on in the first line already.

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  5. Writefully SoOctober 22, 2013 at 5:00 PM

    I agree with Isjohnson, you don't need the second sentence at all. I'd cut it. And you might want to spell out NOPD. Just to eliminate the question.

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  6. EikaOctober 22, 2013 at 8:25 PM

    The first sentence is great all on its own. Personally, I think NOPD stands fine as is, since PD for Police Department is decently clear, but I seem to be outvoted.

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  7. Holly BodgerOctober 23, 2013 at 11:22 AM

    This first line makes it point but it needs to be trimmed so we have only the necessary information. As written, we have a psychic and witch and monsters and a vampire but what seems to matter is that she is a witch who used her psychic powers to catch a vampire who now wants revenge.

    Next, tell us why this will actually be hard and don't use vague decisions. If you want to show a stake that is in balance with her own life, it needs to be big and it needs to be specific.

    Good luck!
    Holly

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  8. ColleenOctober 23, 2013 at 5:56 PM

    I would like to have more description of Kyle and Simber. Also, what makes them tick. Plot summary was good.

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