TITLE: Form and Void
GENRE: Science Fiction/ Near Future Crime
When Lethe Maya is mistaken for a serial killer with whom she shares an unusual genetic anomaly, she must clear her name. With the help of Cyrus Kane, the agent obsessed with bringing the killer to justice, discovers a vast conspiracy of powerful people in whose game they both are little more than pawns.
Great grab, but you're second sentence is confusing which reduces the impact. Add your MC's name (... Lethe discovers ...) and then you're right on target. I'd like to read this.
ReplyDeleteSounds fun. The second sentence doesn't tell me much, though. I realize she needs to clear her name but I feel like I need to know more about what's at stake for her. Maybe a little more about what she stands to lose, otherwise it strikes me as just another mistaken identity story.
ReplyDeleteLeave off the second sentence. You don't need it.
ReplyDeleteIt's the "vast conspiracy of powerful people" that seemed a little vague to me. Who are they, and why do they care about Lethe's mistaken identity?
ReplyDeleteAn unusual genetic anomoly? Can you just tell us what they share, specifically? I know she needs to clear her name, but the stakes seem vague. I agree that the second sentence doesn't feel necessary. As it reads now, I think it's missing a word.
ReplyDeleteI agree with Constantine, you don't need the second sentence. Cut it.
ReplyDeleteThe first sentence is good. I do not agree that you should cut the second one although I do think you need to edit it. Tell us why clearing her name is going to be hard and do not use vague chess metaphors. Who will actually try to stop her here and how will they do it?
ReplyDeleteGood luck!
Holly