TITLE: Second Sun
GENRE: Science fiction
When her niece and nephew are conscripted into service at the Extrauniversal Security Agency, universe-crosser Audra Merritt must protect them from the life-threatening experiments of a megalomaniac geneticist--but Audra's success could mean the destruction of the universe as they know it.
I love the idea of an galaxy-wide equivalent of the CIA! However, I am a little confused. Why would the geneticist experiment on them? Especially if the kids (?) are part of what sounds like an elite govt. agency.
ReplyDeleteLike the idea, too, but why does she have to save her niece and nephew? What kind of life-threatening experiments? Just a taste would be good here. Why would saving two kids mean the end of the universe? Reads a bit too general; give us a couple of specifics.
ReplyDelete"Must protect them" is a bit vague. What exactly does she need to do? Break them out? Kill the geneticist? Also, the destruction of the universe is a little confusing since you say she crosses universes. Which one will be destroyed--the one they are in or another one? And how will "protecting them" destroy this universe?
ReplyDeleteGood luck!
Holly
I think this is almost there; what are the experiments? what specifically will happen to the universe? A few more details will make this one solid!
ReplyDeleteSo I assume the children must have some unusual characteristic if the geneticist wants to experiment on them...if so you might start with this and then say what she must do (more specific than protect) to stop it. Also as others have said, explain how saving the children threatens the universe. You might cut "as they know it" which is a little cliche. Overall this is very intriguing and I like "universe hopper."
ReplyDeleteSorry...universe crosser!
ReplyDeleteThis seems to have all the elements, but it feels overstuffed. Lots of adjectives and a bit melodramatic. If the geneticist is doing experiments that will save the universe (which is what I inferred from the fact that stopping him will destroy it), is he really a megalomaniac?
ReplyDeleteThanks for the feedback, everyone! Amazing how it's easy to see vagueness in other log lines, but not my own. *sigh*
ReplyDeleteNow to see about fitting in the necessary info while still keeping things short.
Thanks again!
What are the experiments and what does she do about them? How will not saving the kids bring about the destruction of the universe?
ReplyDelete