TITLE: PLAYING BY EAR
GENRE: Women's Fiction
“Why have there been no great women composers? Perhaps a mysterious element in the nature of musical creativity runs counter to the nature of the feminine mind.”
—Aaron Copland, 20th-century American composer
If I could have dinner with any deceased person, the great Mr. Aaron Copland would be on the top of my list. After twenty minutes with me, I’d either convince him to retract the above statement or I’d give up music, move to the Amazon, and dye my hair jungle green so I could fit in with the trees and never be heard of again.
That threat alone should show him I can be just as “musically creative” (i.e. crazy) as the boys…I hope, anyway. I would not be happy if I really had to dye my hair green.
I’m no diehard feminist, but Copland’s statement rankles me because I, Katherine Ella Gracie, am a twenty-four-year-old female opera composer.
Sounds like a mouthful of an occupation, but while female and composer don’t go together (as Copland conveniently explained), female and opera composer repel each other like two mismatched magnets. The fact’s been somewhat of a pimple in my existence. Add that to being so young, and I’ve got the type of zit that would keep me from going downstairs to pick up my mail.
I liked this. The narrator is strong and comes off as quirky too, which I like. There's not a lot of tension here, only because besides being upset the quote, nothing really happens. I'd keep reading though to see where it leads.
ReplyDeleteI like the voice. It's a nice introduction to the character, but I agree that there really isn't much going on here. I'd give it a few more pages to see where it's heading.
ReplyDeleteI do like the intro and I'd read on. I'm hooked. I like the premise. I too, though, would hope for more action/dialogue in the coming pages. I have no sense of place yet either, but a good character can take me a long way
ReplyDeleteHaha! Amusing, very amusing. I loved the addition of the quote, and I love how she can prove him wrong. Maybe it's my closet feminist, but I would definitely keep reading. I feel a very strong, independent character.
ReplyDeleteI thought this was interesting but the voice sounded younger to me than twenty four, especially after the comment about the pimple.
ReplyDeleteA couple items: the phrase "sounds like a mouthful of an occupation" doesn't read right to me - I think if you drop "of an occupation", it reads better. Also, something about that whole sentence doesn't flow right. I like the idea of the magnets repelling each other - I don't think you need "mismatched" - as far as I know magnets always repel each other, mismatched or not.
Sounds like an interesting story and I'd like to read more.
Good luck!
I think your idea sounds interesting. As the others said above, there's not much action going on, but I would continue to read.
ReplyDeleteFor some reason I had to read the last paragraph a couple of times. The sentences seemed a little wordy and they didn't gel well together. (IMO you could do without it...)
My favorite part is the line where she threatens to dye her hair green. That line has a flow to it that I didn't detect in the rest of the passage. I think it might be the use of parentheses. I found that to be distracting, so the flow of words stopped for me at those points.
ReplyDeleteI do think your character has spunk, although she does seem much younger due to word choice.
You have me with the first two paragraphs, then you loose me with the next too. Too wordy, unnecessary even as it provides no action and I feel like I'm being told who the character is rather than getting to know her through dialogue and/or action. I think the second paragraphs should be cut out, otherwise I wouldn't continue reading. But I would continue reading after the first two, especially if they led into some dialogue/action to show me the character.
ReplyDeleteGood luck!
I like your writing, but this felt very YA and I was surprised by her age. If she is a 24 yr. old female opera composer, that sounds like a serious position for someone who would dye her hair green. I know it gives the charachter spunk, but the kind of spunk that brings to mind an adolescent. It sounds like nit-picking, but it was enough to throw me. But, I do like your style and I'd read on to see if things evened out. Good job.
ReplyDeleteI love the comparison to the pimple-- I think that would keep me reading, even though I'm not really feeling a lot of tension. The voice is there, and it gives me the confidence that the rest of the book will keep my interest.
ReplyDeleteI would agree that the writing seemed young for a 24 year old, but I was def interested. But something would have to happen pretty quickly to keep me there.
ReplyDeleteI liked the first paragraph or two but then I felt as though you were labouring the point a little. She's a young, female composer, but what specific challenge is she facing right now?
ReplyDeleteYou could really enhance the cadence of your first sentence.
ReplyDeleteFor example:
If I could have dinner with any dead person, Aaron Copland would be at the top of my list.
I enjoyed this opening and would continue reading, because you've created an interesting premise and I want to know more. The voice does sound too young to me for a 24-year-old who's already identified her life's ambition. I would suggest dropping paragraph #2 and combining the last two paragraphs by cutting a great deal from the final one. The pimple/zip analogy didn't work well for me -- it "popped" me out of the narrative. I like how you've eased your way into introducing the character.
ReplyDeleteI like that you start off with a quote and hit the music angle right off. It shows us what is on the protag's mind and what is important to her, while also making your novel unique. I agree that the voice makes her sound young, though it is fun and unique. I also don't get the comment about why she would move to the Amazon to dye her hair green if she didn't convince Copland. Because she is so embarrassed? Because she doubts that would happen? Or because she really is wrong? It would almost be funnier that she would either convince him OR drive him so crazy with her ideas that HE'D go to the jungle and dye his hair green. The statement makes us second-guess her strong stance on the matter, and think she isn't as sure as she tells us she is. If that's what you're going for, then great!
ReplyDeleteSomething to think about: one thing really didn't seem right to me. "I'm no die-hard feminist, but Copland's statement rankles me because I, Katherine Ella Gracie, am a 24 female opera composer." Copland was a 20th-century composer, and a lot of things have changed since then, and so I don't know why she's upset with someone who said that so long ago. I could understand if one of her professors had said that -- so I really want to see WHY this statement is important enough to rankle her. You show us very well what the current state of the scene is when you state that female and opera composer don't go together -- but I want to know why there aren't female composers today (as opposed to the 20th century when there weren't very many female anythings out there). Because that statement almost seems to lean more towards Copland's way of thinking. I want her to come across as authentic and knowledgeable, but the fact that she ignores the time since Copland throws off her credibility. This could work if she's just a freshman and hasn't learned too much. And there really haven't been any big composers since Copland. I guess I would just like to see the issue broadened beyond Copland so I know that she knows what is going on in the music scene today, and that there is STILL a reason to complain. Hope this helps.
I wanted so badly to keep reading!
ReplyDeleteOnly thing I would say is to go over every sentence and make sure the words flow like you want them to. The sentences are a little long.
Of course, this is somewhat remedied by the sentence "Sounds like a mouthful of an occupation..."
That's such a great line. Suddenly, after that, the big-word sentences seemed to fit in because that's exactly how the main character feels.
Definitely interested, but I agree with JoAnn. Something else would have to happen fairly quickly to keep me interested.
Since Copland was most productive and famous in the 1940s and 1950s it didn't quite work for me with the contemporary and rather young sounding MC voice. I was left wondering why someone who died 20 years ago would rankle a 24 year old. Is it because the attitude expressed by Copland still exists? Then draw me in with that. Not some dead guy's quote.
ReplyDeleteWOW WOW WOW WOW WOW!!!!!!!
ReplyDeleteWhat an ass-kicking START! I love, love, love music, so I was HOOKED from word 1. By the time I got to "The fact’s been somewhat of a pimple in my existence," I was a fan for LIFE!
Love to see where this leads! Good storytelling is the drug, to misquote Roxy Music! ㋡
Given that this is a submission contest and not a critique, I think that my contribution would be thus.
ReplyDeleteYes. I'd waste my agent/editor time thinking this has potential.
Let's ask for a few further chapters.
When I read the Copland statement, the feminist in me came out, and I wasn't thinking much of Mr. Copland, so I could sooo relate to your MC. I was eager to get into the story and read about her.
ReplyDeleteThen nothing happened. She talked.
The story has to move, and in order to move it has to start. It hasn't started in these 250 words.
Both your topic and your MC are interesting, so rather than have her go on and on, start the story with her doing something. Let's see her in action. Maybe she's working on a composition. Maybe she's trying to sell it and is being turned down because she's a woman. You know where the story's going. Start at a place where something is happening, where there's some conflict or tension or interesting dialogue. (Not monologue)
Think of your story as a movie. What do see happening on the screen? That's what you should be writing. The story's there. It just needs to be presented differently, I think.
This is the only entry that I read further than the first sentence. Great voice, now introduce conflict sooner and you'll keep them hooked.
ReplyDeleteThe writing is good here, and I think that the premise could be interesting, but to be honest, this felt kind of flat to me. More like passive narrative than actively diving into the characters thoughts. Although there are some fantastic lines in here, I probably wouldn't read on.
ReplyDelete