Not hooked. Start with something extraordinary to make the reader want more. Does she drop a plate of pancakes? Throw her brush at him? Are they somewhere interesting? Show us.
Hard to say. In all honesty, I'm not interested, but it's because I have no interest in this genre.
But you do create a bit of mystery here. Why is he walking out? He's probably not leaving her since he's only taking a briefcase. It does make me wonder what might be going on. If it was a genre I read, I might read on.
I would have thought that her second sentence would also be a question.
ReplyDeleteI'd like to start somewhere besides a meltdown. Not hooked.
This doesn't grab me and leave me looking for more since there's nothing "surprising". WF isn't really my genre though. *shrug*
ReplyDeleteMakes me think he's going to leave her...but he should pack more than a briefcase. Maybe he's just going to work?
ReplyDeleteKinda hooked.
Not hooked. Start with something extraordinary to make the reader want more. Does she drop a plate of pancakes? Throw her brush at him? Are they somewhere interesting? Show us.
ReplyDeleteIt's nice to be connected to your characters before things get messy. I'd read on a few paragraphs. Not hooked by opener.
ReplyDeleteNot hooked. The scene feels too generic, for me, anyways.
ReplyDeleteI like it, but I'm not instantly hooked
ReplyDeleteOne random thing I was thinking about is how most guys don't carry briefcases. They carry computer bags which double as the briefcases of old. :)
ReplyDeleteThere is nothing wrong with this. I'm not entirely hooked, but I would read the rest of the first before I said yes or no.
Don't see a lot of emotion in this. Not hooked.
ReplyDeleteNothing tripped me up. But nothing grabbed me either. Not hooked. Sorry.
ReplyDeleteHard to say. In all honesty, I'm not interested, but it's because I have no interest in this genre.
ReplyDeleteBut you do create a bit of mystery here. Why is he walking out? He's probably not leaving her since he's only taking a briefcase. It does make me wonder what might be going on. If it was a genre I read, I might read on.
Is Hope stating he's walking out the door? Or asking? I might read a bit more to figure out what she means by "that's it".
ReplyDeletea little hooked.
ReplyDeleteSorry, not hooked.
ReplyDeleteI like the title though! ㋡
I'm curious. Maybe not completely sold, but I'd read on to see what's going on.
ReplyDeleteNot really hooked, sorry. Might be a genre thing.
ReplyDelete