Miss Snark's First Victim
Hooked, though the image of a man "covering" a bed was a bit odd. My lips are twitching, wondering what she's going to do about this missing underwear of hers. =]
You got me. Love the name.
Kinda hooked. It's mostly a personal thing I guess.Also, must be a small bed!
The title would get me picking up the book for sure. The lack of underwear made me *snerk* internally, and I'd probably keep reading.
That first line's a keeper! Dunno about the man "covering" the bed. Maybe sprawled across? I know, more than 25 words. But the first line would keep me going to see what happened.
Agree about "covering." Doesn't seem right. It was funny, so I'd read on.
Much like the others: the first line made me snerk, in a good way. I love it. I think that the second part could use some tweaking. If you want to evoke the image of the man spralwed across the bed, perhaps compare him to a cat...or a dog...everyone knows how they magically expand to take up all available space, right? :D
Semi-hooked <- Not usually my thing, but I did smile when I read this. :)
The missing underwear did it for me. I'd keep reading.
I have the pleasure of being a beta on this piece. As I said when I read it originally, that first line hooked me :)
Yeah. The first line gets my inner voyeur's attention. I'd probably give you the first page to do something with that.
Love the first line. The scowling with hands on hips seems a bit cliche to me, however. I agree that "covering" sounds odd. I'd read on a little longer to see where this leads.
Love the first sentence. Hooked!
Yeah, the missing underwear is definitely a hook, but the second parg. takes away from it.Scowling, hands on hips is cliche, as someone else said. The man covering the bed-sprawled across would work better. And why is it against her better judgement to look at him? Will something terrible happen if she does? Wasn't she just sleeping with him?. Too many gaffs in the second parg make me lose confidence in what's to come. Definitely rethink it.
Hooked. I like the voice of it. I do agree with needing a different word than 'covering,' but I like the tone of it!
Like the title and first sentence. You only have 20 words, if I counted right, so you have room to say sprawled across the bed, or snored on the bed, or sprawled naked across the bed.Hooked...
HOOKED!!! Oh hell YEAH!!N' I loved that first sentence! ㋡
Hooked!I agree with the other suggestions for something other than 'covering,' but it's a small nitpick for me. I'd read on. :)
Hooked, but I'm sure you can find something more descriptive than "covering."
Heh--it amused me, I'd read on.