I'm on the fence with this one, but I have to admit that I initially balked at the 9/11 date, and that would be pretty hard for me to get past. Totally a personal thing, on that front. Other than that, I'm mildly intrigued - not a strong push to keep reading, but interested enough to see about the next page or two.
I don't mind the 9/11 date, that is what would probably catch my interest in the first place. But I don't need to know he's a major general & his nickname is "Lucky." I think those descriptions can wait, they don't need to be part of the first sentence
I'm curious about this so I'd probably give it a little longer, but that would be more because of the title and the 9/11 set-up. The sentence itself didn't do anything for me.
I have to echo the 9/11 concern, but I'd also say the date and time at the start are what gives it the tension in the first place (otherwise, it's a general walking out of the Pentagon -- a hook for location, I suppose, but not a suspenseful action by itself.
I'm also not a big fan of starting out with full names and titles. "Major General Gerald L. "Lucky" Sinclair, US Air Force," eats up nine words, but I don't know how much it really shows me about him. I'm guessing that the nickname is the most important thing in there, but it gets a little lost otherwise.
I think this is one where I'd flip to the back cover and read the blurb to see what the story is about before I pressed on further.
I am not a fan of 9/11 stories, too overexposed, but the sci-fi twist would get me to pay attention. The long name does not bother me, although I admit that within 25 words, 9 words of a name feels a bit excessive. :)
Just not doning it. Maybe I don't like the idea of sci/fi and the Pentagon together?
ReplyDeletecool. i like it.
ReplyDeleteMaybe. Gonna be hard to pull off a 9/11 story.
ReplyDeleteI like the title, but I'm afraid it's probably been used. Might want to do a search on Amazon.
I'm on the fence with this one, but I have to admit that I initially balked at the 9/11 date, and that would be pretty hard for me to get past. Totally a personal thing, on that front. Other than that, I'm mildly intrigued - not a strong push to keep reading, but interested enough to see about the next page or two.
ReplyDeleteI don't mind the 9/11 date, that is what would probably catch my interest in the first place. But I don't need to know he's a major general & his nickname is "Lucky." I think those descriptions can wait, they don't need to be part of the first sentence
ReplyDeleteI'd read on.
ReplyDeleteThe long name and titles at the start were a bit much to get through.
Wordver: forks
I'd read on only because I like all things military.
ReplyDeleteI'm curious about this so I'd probably give it a little longer, but that would be more because of the title and the 9/11 set-up. The sentence itself didn't do anything for me.
ReplyDeleteI'm curious about how scifi fits in with 9/11. I would read on.
ReplyDeleteToo much info-dumping in the first sentence. It threw me off. Not hooked.
ReplyDeleteNot hooked. Didn't even realize the significance of the date until I read another reader's comment.
ReplyDeleteI agree with Beth, if there's a fit with 9/11 and Sci-Fi, and you show me, then I'm HOOKED! ㋡
the 9/11 connection is a turn off to me. that wasn't sci fi, that was very real. not hooked.
ReplyDeleteThe general has almost left the building.
ReplyDeleteSorry. It doesn't do anything for me.
The 9/11 and sci-fi aspect are interesting, but not interesting enough to overcome the opening line.
I have to echo the 9/11 concern, but I'd also say the date and time at the start are what gives it the tension in the first place (otherwise, it's a general walking out of the Pentagon -- a hook for location, I suppose, but not a suspenseful action by itself.
ReplyDeleteI'm also not a big fan of starting out with full names and titles. "Major General Gerald L. "Lucky" Sinclair, US Air Force," eats up nine words, but I don't know how much it really shows me about him. I'm guessing that the nickname is the most important thing in there, but it gets a little lost otherwise.
I think this is one where I'd flip to the back cover and read the blurb to see what the story is about before I pressed on further.
About hooked.
ReplyDeleteI am not a fan of 9/11 stories, too overexposed, but the sci-fi twist would get me to pay attention. The long name does not bother me, although I admit that within 25 words, 9 words of a name feels a bit excessive. :)
Would read a few more lines.
Meh. (sorry!) To me, 9/11 is too easy a way to create instant drama & suspense.
ReplyDeleteI, too, shuddered a little at the combination of September 11th and SF. It IS immediately intriguing - but maybe not in the way that you'd want.
ReplyDeleteNot hooked.
Not really hooked, but then I'm not really into 9/11 stories.
ReplyDelete