Blog/Journal based stories are not my favorites, and the mention of the name of the blog feels stilted rather than natural. The "brush with myth" intrigues me, so I'd read a bit further to give more opportunity to hook me.
The first sentence, in my humble opinion, is awkward. I think it's okay to use this sentence structure, but I'm not sure it's the best for an opening line. I had to read it several times before I figured out what you were trying to say ... and I still don't know what a "brush with myth" is. Is myth a person? A thing? If it's a name, why isn't it capitalized? Or is she a writer and she's writing myths? I'm so confused! I hope this helps a little bit. Good luck!
Not hooked, sorry! Confused from "brush with myth" and to read about someone looking at their blog (especially this early on) is a bit of a turn-off for me.
I read blogs - don't wanna read about other people reading theirs! :-)
Not hooked. What is her brush with myth and why does it make her fingers tingle? That could be interesting, but you don't follow up on it. We go to reading a blog. Not exactly exciting.
Having trouble seeing the word picture in the first part of the sentence; the second part might be better as a separate sentence. Not hooked.
ReplyDeleteKinda hooked.
ReplyDeletenot bad, but not hooked
ReplyDeleteI'd give it a few more paras
ReplyDeleteConsider reversing the two phrases in the first sentence. Ground us with Kaelin before telling us about her fingers.
ReplyDeleteI'm not sure that I'm hooked at this point.
Blog/Journal based stories are not my favorites, and the mention of the name of the blog feels stilted rather than natural. The "brush with myth" intrigues me, so I'd read a bit further to give more opportunity to hook me.
ReplyDeleteThe first sentence, in my humble opinion, is awkward. I think it's okay to use this sentence structure, but I'm not sure it's the best for an opening line. I had to read it several times before I figured out what you were trying to say ... and I still don't know what a "brush with myth" is. Is myth a person? A thing? If it's a name, why isn't it capitalized? Or is she a writer and she's writing myths? I'm so confused! I hope this helps a little bit. Good luck!
ReplyDeletenot quite hooked, but possibly this requires a bit more info to give it context.
ReplyDeleteIt feels a bit uneven. The blog title is mostly what tripped me up. I'm not entirely hooked.
ReplyDeleteNot hooked, sorry! Confused from "brush with myth" and to read about someone looking at their blog (especially this early on) is a bit of a turn-off for me.
ReplyDeleteI read blogs - don't wanna read about other people reading theirs! :-)
Not hooked. What is her brush with myth and why does it make her fingers tingle? That could be interesting, but you don't follow up on it. We go to reading a blog. Not exactly exciting.
ReplyDeleteCould be, still undecided. I'd read some more.
ReplyDeleteI liked "brush with myth" but it would depend heavily on how the scene unfolded. I'm a 'maybe'.
ReplyDeleteNot hooked by this, but the "brush with myth" bit would make me at least read a little further
ReplyDelete