I have to say this didn't really hook me. For me, there's a little too much going on - three names and a title all in the first 25 words. Since I like romance, I'd probably read on, but not because of this first bit.
I like the title. But the second sentence confuses me... or well, loses me, I guess. Is there a better way to say he tightened his grip on the quill? Constricted just seems awkward for how someone would hold a pen.
Don't like the title. Tale of Two Cities. Too close.
Hard to say on the rest. You really need a whole para before you can make a judgment on this. But I reckon in a paragraph I'd get the measure of whether I am hooked.
That's a lot of names. I might read on, but "Countess of Clivesden" sounds super-duper made up. So does Battencliffe. I'm sorry if they're not (if they are historical/actual family names), but they make me chuckle.
I have to say this didn't really hook me. For me, there's a little too much going on - three names and a title all in the first 25 words. Since I like romance, I'd probably read on, but not because of this first bit.
ReplyDeleteI'm possibly hooked. I don't care for the title though.
ReplyDeleteGood Regency-styke writing. I like it.
ReplyDeleteHmmmm....maybe a few more lines.
ReplyDeleteI'd read on a little longer.
ReplyDeleteI'd read a little longer.
ReplyDeleteHooked.
ReplyDeleteHooked. This is well done and aligns with the genre, in my opinion.
ReplyDeleteI'd read more. :-)
ReplyDeleteInteresting start, but I'd also like to know who he's betting against - Julia herself? Benedict? or someone else? I'd read more to find out.
ReplyDeleteI like the title. But the second sentence confuses me... or well, loses me, I guess. Is there a better way to say he tightened his grip on the quill? Constricted just seems awkward for how someone would hold a pen.
ReplyDeleteI really like this. Definitely would read more.
ReplyDeleteDon't like the title. Tale of Two Cities. Too close.
ReplyDeleteHard to say on the rest. You really need a whole para before you can make a judgment on this. But I reckon in a paragraph I'd get the measure of whether I am hooked.
Hrm, I would read on.
ReplyDeleteThat's a lot of names. I might read on, but "Countess of Clivesden" sounds super-duper made up. So does Battencliffe. I'm sorry if they're not (if they are historical/actual family names), but they make me chuckle.
ReplyDeleteNot my genre. If I read this sort of thing, it might grab me a bit, but there isn't enough here to snag me as a new reader
ReplyDeleteI liked the opening sentence...and normally I don't like a lot of names at the beginning but this worked for me.
ReplyDeleteThe 2nd one killed it.