Thursday, March 25, 2010

50 YA Fantasy/Adventure

TITLE: MOONSTONE AND COP
GENRE: YA Fantasy/Adventure


The latch on the factory window was broken, just like Vicki said. Charlie could
open it, but he was short, and the window was high.

25 comments:

  1. Hooked. It's different, I'd like to find out more.

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  2. I'd keep reading on this one. Why's a short guy trying to bust into (or out of) a broken factory window?

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  3. Love the title. Hooked.

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  4. Yep, I want to know more too!

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  5. Hooked. I want to know what Charlie's up to.

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  6. Yes, I'd keep reading. One thing I'd change (but this is obviously just my opinion): I'd add -- "just like Vicki said it would be." I think this gives the sentence clarification. The way it is now tripped me up and I had to reread. Hope this helps and good luck!

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  7. I like the sense of desperation in so few sentences. And the title. I'd read on.

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  8. I am interested. Call me hooked.

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  9. Ok. I'd read more. I want to know why he's breaking-in, so you got me.

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  10. Definitely interested. I really like the first sentence, it has great voice. The second not as much, but I still want to read on.

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  11. I'm intrigued. I can already envision what's going on even though there's no context (yet).

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  12. Not really sure how hooked I am, but I would keep going.

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  13. I like -- already feel bad for Charlie.

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  14. Hooked! You start with story rather than explanation, and you have a character in an interesting situation. I'd read more.

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  15. Interesting beginning. Just raising questions is enough. Readers don't need to be slammed over the head with excitement.

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  16. Not hooked. Sounds like they're going to get up to some hijinks, but it just doesn't seem "dangerous" enough to really grab me.

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