Faith Andrews slammed the phone down. Where was he and why wasn't he answering? The last candle sputtered out, officially killing her romantic evening.
Not hooked. She's expecting a romantic evening (I would assume it's with someone she cares about) and he doesn't show, and she's pissed off instead of worried. I immediately don't like her.
Sorta hooked. My comments rehash what's already been said: last sentence as the hook, one question only (where was he?), and maybe she doesn't slam the phone down
I agree with the suggestion others have made about taking the last sentence and inserting it as the first. Also, I feel like her thoughts should be in present tense, not past (or maybe remove the italics so that change doesn't have to be made).
Not my genre...but I'm hooked
ReplyDeleteNot my genre either, but I liked this. I'd probably read on a little bit.
ReplyDeleteI'd read to see where it went.
ReplyDeleteFaith is a popular name for this round.
Kinda hooked. I'd probably read on because of the last line.
ReplyDeleteI'd read on.
ReplyDeletei like it.
ReplyDeleteI kinda am hooked.
ReplyDeleteOnly nitpic (sorry, backseat writer) is the two questions. I'd settle with one (Why wasn't he answering?) and maybe work the other one in elsewhere.
Mildly hooked. I'd read on.
ReplyDeleteHooked!
ReplyDeleteI think your third sentence is your hook. I'd rearrange for maximum effect.
ReplyDeleteThe last candle sputtered out, officially killing Faith's romantic evening. She slammed down the phone. Where was he and why wasn't he answering?
I agree with Amy Sue Nathan. The last sentence would be a great first sentence.
ReplyDeleteNot hooked. She's expecting a romantic evening (I would assume it's with someone she cares about) and he doesn't show, and she's pissed off instead of worried. I immediately don't like her.
ReplyDeleteI also agree that the last line might make a better first line. I would continue reading.
ReplyDeleteSorta hooked. My comments rehash what's already been said: last sentence as the hook, one question only (where was he?), and maybe she doesn't slam the phone down
ReplyDeleteI like it, but might even cut out the first sentence. It has potential, but you can do better.
ReplyDeleteI agree with the suggestion others have made about taking the last sentence and inserting it as the first. Also, I feel like her thoughts should be in present tense, not past (or maybe remove the italics so that change doesn't have to be made).
ReplyDeleteNonetheless, I was definitely hooked. (:
Agree with sentence rearranging, but hooked either way.
ReplyDeleteNot really hooked, sorry. Could be a genre thing.
ReplyDelete