Miss Snark's First Victim
The two verb tenses so close together is a bit unsettling. Sorry, not hooked.
I'm hooked...but I would replace expects with believes just to help the fluidity because you have two words with the prefix, "ex"..
Not hooked. The verb tense mixing worries me and I'm more interested in Becca than I am in the person who laughed at her.
I might be more hooked if the tenses matched.
Same problem with the tense. I'd read a few more lines to see if "positive energy" came into play sooner rather than much later, if at all.
Same tense issues as mentioned before. If that was fixed, I might be curious enough to read on, but as it stands now, not hooked.
First sentecne hooked me, second made my back off. Not well contructed. I'd read 1 more.
Not awful, but it doesn't hook me
I like it!
Yes. Definitely hooked. :)
Blegh. I'm kinda bored already. No urgency. I need more kick.
I don't think I'd read more. It's too passive. I'd like to see something happen. The first sentence is fine but I want to know what changed, not have it elaborated on.
"used to laugh" makes me think the narrator's changed her mind. But the next sentence makes it sound like she hasn't.
Nothing grabs me, and I personally hate it when the narrator talks to me. I want story, not monologue.
nothing really held my attention. it's a toss up.
I'm intrigued and like the voice. I'd keep going.
The tenses threw me, but I'm not hooked, sorry.