Miss Snark's First Victim
I'm semi-hooked, but I think I would be more hooked if you removed the street name (so it is a straight juxtaposition of milk versus blood).
Hooked. The commas and street name distract from the punch of the sentence, but the punch is still good enough to make me keep reading.
I agree, Marshall Street can go. But I would definitley read on.
I disagree about the street name. "I was walking down the street..." sounds too plain, to me. Marshall Street gives me the impression that this is the specific road the narrator takes all the time...gives a sort of routiness to the scene before something very much not routine is introduced.Anyhow, I'm hooked.
I'm not hooked, but I'm curious. I'd probably give this a little more.
I'm not crazy about the "I was walking down Marshall Street". I think part of the problem is I keep thinking about all of those songs and jokes - "I was just walking down the street one day, etc". I think this would be a bit more fun if you took a step back inside the house. Have the character reach in for the carton of milk and groan at meager remainings. You could have the character grab a jacket and dash out of the house and head down Marshall Street. You can set up the scene before the character notices the sharp metallic smell of blood in the air. *** All of the above could just be me doing the backseat writer thing again. :#
I'd read on.
I'm curious enough to read onward. The first line isn't smooth (as others are debating about Marshall Street) but it doesn't turn me off.
I'm curious. I'd read a little more.
Not hooked. The sentence is really plain and ordinary and cliche. It makes me think that's what I'll get for the rest of the novel. He saw blood on the pavement -- was it drips and drops, was it a thick pool, was it smeared, new, old? Give it some oomph.
Not quite hooked. I understand what the author is trying to do (ordinary situation, but this time with the addition of blood), but it doesn't quite work for me.
Nothing happening in the sentence to grab my interest. Need more. Not hooked.
Not fully hooked, but would keep reading. My curiosity was awakened enough.
Interesting, definitely want to know more about that blood :)
I like blood, so I would read on. But I think it would read better if it were in the moment, rather than looking back. Don't tell me she/he was walking down Main Street. Show me, as it's happening.
Marshall St.** Sorry.
I like that something as ordinary as milk meets blood. And "walking down Marshall St" adds to the ordinariness of the scene.
give it some more oomph- I was walking to buy milk when I nearly stepped in the ...do you know what I mean?
I like the juxtaposition of the white of the milk with the red of the blood.
Not quite hooked, sorry.