I wouldn't read on. Maybe if it was simpler-so much going on. Someone knows her identity, there's torture, sex, smell of candles, and angry tears. I don't know what to focus on.
Like some of the others, seeing a regency romance mention sex and a torture chamber in the first line is a bit of a turn-off. It's just not my sort of thing.
The problem for me was trying to identify the emotion I'm supposed to feel as I read about the character. If her identity is exposed, she'd feel fear? Horror? The smells make her stomach knot in what? Fear? Loathing? Disgust? Excitement? Then she's ready to drop angry tears. At the beginning, give the reader one predominate emotion to feel; you can layer others in later, of course.
I've never read a regency romance so I don't know if it fits the genre. But I do tend to go for the dark and creepy.
And yet, this doesn't hook me. She's a woman on the verge of tears (why are they always in tears in romances?) And tears can't be angry nor can they ache. Rephrase your last sentence and show me a woman with strength and I'll dive into the torture chamber with her.
Well, I recently read the Kushiel trilogy, so torture and sex are not something to immediately turn me off at present (although, how does torture *smell*?). However, regency romans, sex and torture?
I wouldn't read on.
ReplyDeleteMaybe if it was simpler-so much going on. Someone knows her identity, there's torture, sex, smell of candles, and angry tears. I don't know what to focus on.
Torture and sex in the same sentence - eek. Also, regency romance? Oh genre, how you've changed...
ReplyDeleteProbably not hooked.
Torture and sex? Not hooked. Not my thing.
ReplyDeleteCan tears ache?
I don't want torture and sex from a Regency romance. I want white gloves and controlled longing. Sorry.
ReplyDeleteThe genre is throwing me here. I don't read regency, but this definitely isn't what I'd expect.
ReplyDeleteIF I discount genre and just look at the snippet, I'm intrigued and might read a bit more, but if the genre is correct, probably not much more.
The allusion to sex in a torture chamber seemed out of place. I'd be afraid to read on, personally. But that's just me.
ReplyDeleteLike some of the others, seeing a regency romance mention sex and a torture chamber in the first line is a bit of a turn-off. It's just not my sort of thing.
ReplyDeleteThe problem for me was trying to identify the emotion I'm supposed to feel as I read about the character. If her identity is exposed, she'd feel fear? Horror? The smells make her stomach knot in what? Fear? Loathing? Disgust? Excitement? Then she's ready to drop angry tears. At the beginning, give the reader one predominate emotion to feel; you can layer others in later, of course.
ReplyDeleteI've never read a regency romance so I don't know if it fits the genre. But I do tend to go for the dark and creepy.
ReplyDeleteAnd yet, this doesn't hook me. She's a woman on the verge of tears (why are they always in tears in romances?) And tears can't be angry nor can they ache. Rephrase your last sentence and show me a woman with strength and I'll dive into the torture chamber with her.
Well, I recently read the Kushiel trilogy, so torture and sex are not something to immediately turn me off at present (although, how does torture *smell*?). However, regency romans, sex and torture?
ReplyDeleteI think the genre is wrong.
Not hooked, but would give it a few more lines.
Not hooked at all; what struck me were "aching tears." That sort of characterization just doesn't work for me.
ReplyDeleteWOW! HOOKED!!
ReplyDeleteA whole lotta crazy sh** happening here, and I can't wait to see n' hear MORE! ㋡
When I think of "Regency romance" this is most definitely not what comes to mind. Doesn't strike me as my kind of thing. Sorry.
ReplyDeleteNot really hooked (I had to double check the genre to see if I read it right).
ReplyDelete