Miss Snark's First Victim
A little too heavy handed for my taste - since I don't know what Friday evening that is, my reaction is to go "but I don't have any idea what you're talking about...". (Particularly the survived bit. It pushes a bit too close to smacking the reader upside the head.) I'd probably not keep reading this one.
Is this written in second person? As in...am I really "you"? If it is, that's really hard to pull off and I'm not sure I'd keep reading. Sorry :(
I like the title. Did Yellowstone explode? I'd read a little more to see where it went, but I'm not a fan of the narrator talking to the reader.
I think 2nd person can work. In fact, one of my favorite books ("We need to talk about Kevin") is in 2nd person. I would read on.
"Did Yellowstone explode?" -- lol! Did someone watch 2012 recently?Anyhow. I think the tone of this opener sounds angry towards "you", which intrigues me a little.I'd give it a few more lines.
I like this. For me the "Oh, yeah, remember when the world blew up" works.
Hmmm I'd probabaly read a bit more. I'm not totally hooked, but I am curious.
I'd read on, though I'd tighten it a bit more. Take out "on" in the first sentence. And work on the second sentence a little more. Make it fluid. Right now it reads a little choppily. I sincerely hope this helps! This sounds interesting.
I'd read on. Reminds me of the start to Percy Jackson and the Lightning Thief.
I can't handle second person. And though I am intrigued, I need you to be less mysterious about the event and just hit it. I wouldn't read any further in the bookstore aisle.
I'm hooked to read a bit more - this feels like SF, and I want to know what happened.
I don't like the second person. It's probably a personal thing, but it really threw me. Not hooked.
I think I like the concept of this more than the writing itself. (Evening doesn't sound teen to me.) The second sentence is kind of clunky an tries too hard to get all that info across. I would read on to see what it is that I survived, though.
I don't, and that presumption leaves me not hooked. I have this reaction to second person too.
Excellent!! I loved the "you survived" line - that was my HOOK! I definitely want MORE!! ㋡
hooked. i want to find out what happened on friday. the title makes me think volcano.
read a list of things agents and editors hate. one of them was talking to the reader.Not hooked.
Not hooked. There's no story, just a narrator talking to me. I didn't see it as second person. "I was home alone . . ." says first person to me. I see it as talking to the reader. And if I already know what happened,(which I don't) why do I need to read on? Tell the story.
Oops, and that is what happens when you have two tabs of the same blog open. Doh!On this entry, I am hooked. You have to be careful with talking directly to the reader, can easily be overdone, but otherwise no issues.
I'd read on. I'm hesitant to say I'm hooked because leery of the narrator talking directly to me, but I'd still keep going, just to see.
I love it. As for the narrator talking to the reader, it's simply presentational style, and it might be outdated, but that doesn't mean it can't be done right.I'm picturing September 11 all over again or giant zombies taking over a small town/the world at the fault of the MC.Seriously. I love this.
Not hooked. I just don't like writers talking to their readers (unless it's Early Readers or Chapter Books).
Almost hooked. Take out the second line and get us into the event. Like the premise.
Not hooked, as style where the narrator talks to the reader has to be handled just right or else it puts me off.