Thursday, March 25, 2010

3 YA Fantasy

TITLE: Harbinger
GENRE: YA Fantasy


Cool, crisp night air sneaked in through the partially open window and cast a light veil of mist throughout the small bedroom.

34 comments:

  1. Not hooked...As a reader, I need some action, not description

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  2. Pretty. I'd read a little more to see where it went.

    (Wordver: Guess.)

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  3. Partially hooked. Why is there mist in the bedroom? I would expect the fantasy element in that to become apparent quickly to either set the hook or lose it completely.

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  4. Only because of the title, I might read further. It's pretty, which is good, but nothing about this is in itself hooky for me.

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  5. Like the first one I commented on... it's hard to tell whether I'm hooked or not.

    The first line gives us the setting and lends quite a moody feeling with the mist. <- So aside from thinking that cool air coming in a window wouldn't exactly cause a mist, so there must have been a seperate cause, I liked this first line.

    If the next sentence immediately gets to the protagonist and the problem, I'd definitely be hooked.

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  6. Not hooked because of broken metaphor, air doesn't cast light.

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  7. I'd continue to read, but I'm not hooked by a description of weather.

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  8. Nice, just a bit over written for my taste.
    i.e. cool, crisp; partially open; light veil; small bedroom

    Still, it evokes an image and a feeling. I'd read on.

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  9. Not hooked. Weather descriptions don't generally interest me if not observed by or affecting a particular subject (person or thing.)

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  10. Not hooked. It's the weather. There's no character or action for me to latch onto.

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  11. I'm hooked. I can already picture someone in a small bedroom feeling the air. Why are they in there? Why is the window open? Did they come through it? Are they waiting for someone?

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  12. Not hooked yet. Beginning with a description of a bedroom at night makes me think someone is going to be waking up or something. It just doesn't seem like a unique enough start.

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  13. The writing's good, and I can easlily live with no action for 25 words...
    Still reading.

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  14. Like the veil of mist and the small bedroom, but agree with most- I'd like some action! However, I would read to the next sentence, hoping things would pick up. :)

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  15. hmm, not hooked. The sentence was a bit much for me. Like it's trying to hard to happen.

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  16. No hooked yet. Seems overwritten, but I'd read a little further.

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  17. I'd hop it up and add the magical flavor that I think you might be going for - but what do I know? I've only read 25 words!

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  18. Hmm. I think it's a bit adjective-heavy. That said, I'd keep reading - in the bookstore, I don't tend to stop after 25 words anyway.

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  19. With that opening, this story could be about anything. Not hooked.

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  20. I like the way this sentence flows. I'd read more.

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  21. I would probably read the rest of the paragraph, but it'd have to hook me quickly in the next few sentences. I'm sort of hoping the mist is a sign of something ominous.

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  22. I'd read more to find out what's up with the mist. :-)

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  23. I agree with one of the above commenters. Its hard for me to say whether I'm hooked or not. I'm a patient reader. If I want to read a book for whatever reason: a rec, a great cover, I'll stick with it for a while before giving up.

    Even so, I can't say this "grabbed me," ya know. But it didn't turn me off either. There was absolutely nothing wrong with the writing- that's for sure. And it did place me in the scens, so I say I like it! I hope agents would.

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  24. Not hooked. One of the things I read agents hate for YA is starting with the setting...just an idea...why is the protagonist? I want to know her/him first.

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  25. Nice, but not hooked. I tend to skim over descriptions like this when I'm reading.

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  26. Partially hooked. Depends on 2nd sentence.

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  27. Not quite hooked. Sorry. I would at least like a person in there somewhere, but I know 25 words is tight.

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  28. I don't really care to read more or about what is going to happen. I've seen lines like this too many times before.

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  29. My preference is to have something going on with a character right at the beginning. So, not hooked, I'm afraid.

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  30. I'd keep reading. I think it's well written, sets a definite mood, and matches the genre.

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  31. It's a nice sentence but doesn't make me want to keep reading

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