I like it, but I think you could do more with it. Running at night isn't a pain in the butt, unless she/he falls on her/his butt in the next sentence. It's a pain in the shins when you run into stuff you can't see and in the ankles when you twist them stepping in rabbit holes. I'd take the old cliche and play around with it a bit more. But that's, of course, jmho. :) Good luck!
Not hooked. Show her in the process of running away, or show the thing that is the pain in the butt happening to her. Put her in the situation instead of talking about it.
This made me smile! I'd read on...
ReplyDeleteI agree with Holly: Humor, even irony, captures my attention. The style is appealing and I want to be further entertained.
ReplyDeleteLove it! Definitely hooked and smiling and eager to keep reading.
ReplyDeleteI like this MC and I know NOTHING about them yet. Yay!
ReplyDeleteAgreed - I like the straightforwardness of the narrator here. Would keep reading for a bit, definitely.
ReplyDeleteMade me smile. I'd read more.
ReplyDeletehooked
ReplyDeleteI'd keep reading.
ReplyDeleteI would read on. :)
ReplyDeleteHeh. Hooked.
ReplyDeleteI love the voice. I'd read on.
ReplyDeleteI like it, but I think you could do more with it. Running at night isn't a pain in the butt, unless she/he falls on her/his butt in the next sentence. It's a pain in the shins when you run into stuff you can't see and in the ankles when you twist them stepping in rabbit holes. I'd take the old cliche and play around with it a bit more. But that's, of course, jmho. :) Good luck!
ReplyDeleteMake me giggle. I'd give this a little bit more of my time :)
ReplyDeleteHooked!!!!
ReplyDeleteLoved it. Agree with A.L. Sonnichsen, but am hooked - would read more.
ReplyDeleteDefinitely hooked. I like the title, too
ReplyDeleteHooked. Made me smile.
ReplyDeleteWould definitely read on. I get a good sense of, and like the MC already.
ReplyDeletehooked. love the title also.
ReplyDeleteHooked. Great title. :-)
ReplyDeleteHooked.
ReplyDeleteHooked. I want to read on to find out who's running away and why, and what pain-in-the-butt adventures it leads to.
ReplyDeletelike the romantic idea of running away, but doesn't go with pain in the butt (hemorrhoids) for me.
ReplyDeleteNot hooked
Not hooked. Show her in the process of running away, or show the thing that is the pain in the butt happening to her. Put her in the situation instead of talking about it.
ReplyDeleteHooked. I like the narrator's bluntness.
ReplyDeleteHooked! Nice ironic voice.
ReplyDeleteThis made me laugh. The premise itself doesn't grab me, but otherwise I'd be hooked.
ReplyDeleteHooked. And I also like the title.
ReplyDeleteI like it. The first sentence had me, the second made me smile. Hooked.
ReplyDeleteHooked! I like the voice, I like the situation. I want more.
ReplyDeleteTrue YA protagonist. Hooked.
ReplyDeleteI'd read on to see why it's a pain in the butt...
ReplyDeleteHooked. Great voice.
ReplyDeleteI like it--I'd read on.
ReplyDelete