Miss Snark's First Victim
Seems unfocused. Also, how is the shock weird? Just that there's a shock? I think that there's a shock at all is indicative enough of its weirdness.
Not hooked, but am confused.
Not hooked.We're zoomed in on the path of the electricity and the movement of the boat, but hear nothing of how the MC is feeling through all of this. It leaves the opener emotionless, disconected, imo.
"weird" is the sort of word you use when you're pulling you punches. I also don't see a correlation between electicity and a boat rocking. Not hooked.
I'd read on to hear more about the electricity, but am only semi-hooked at this point.
Not hooked. I don't really get a sense of anything from this.
Not hooked. Feels too vague.
A bit too immediate, IMO, and what does the 'ebbing'relate to exactly?
not hooked. i like to be pulled into a story by voice, not descriptions or immediate action (though those that can manage both are awesome).
I felt like there were too many sensations...
Not hooked. We see what happens to the MC. We don't see how the MC reacts to it. What is he feeling/thinking?
Not hooked. Too much happening too fast. I can't keep up, or create a picture in my mind. Slow it down, n' I bet it'd friggin' ROCK! ㋡
Not hooked, sorry.