i disagree with what others have said about the sentence being confusing. it sounds fairly simple to me. that said, i'm definitely curious to read about someone people are trying to kill...on her birthday, no less!
Very hooked.
And, yes, I agree with someone else that the title is intriguing.
hooked and imagining what her birthday presents will be like if people are trying to kill her. and i disagree that the sentence implies something else. i suppose it is all how someone interprets it. personally, though, i'd keep it the way it is.
Hooked! I love, love the way you managed to not only set the entire opener in one sentence but add voice as well. makes me think this story will be filled with good writing.
Hooked. That one sentence packs a punch! He assumed someone wouldn't want to kill him (her?) on his birthday, and implies that he assumed wrong. To me, it also implies that this isn't the first time someone tried to kill him. Great title as well. I'd read on.
Hooked!!!!
ReplyDeleteTotally hooked!
ReplyDeleteHooked...Like the title too!!
ReplyDeleteHooked!
ReplyDeleteYep. Big fan of death and mayhem.
ReplyDeleteYou got me.
ReplyDeleteLove it!
ReplyDeletehooked
ReplyDeleteHooked. Love the voice.
ReplyDeleteThis must not be my genre. I wasn't hooked.
ReplyDeleteHmm. I like the situation, but I think the sentence could have more punch. Would read on, tho.
ReplyDeleteSorry... I'm not hooked yet. The wording here might be a little too confusing for me.
ReplyDeletehooked
ReplyDeleteHooked!
ReplyDeletehooked.
ReplyDeleteI like the idea, but you haven't said what I think you intended.
ReplyDeleteWhat you're actually saying here is that nobody is out to kill him, and even on his birthday, nobody is out to kill him.
And I think what you want to say is that there is someone out to kill him, but he assumed they'd leave him alone on his birthday?
But I could be wrong. No one else had a problem with the language.
what does a birthday have to do with murder? Hell is not my genre.
ReplyDeleteNot hooked.
i disagree with what others have said about the sentence being confusing. it sounds fairly simple to me. that said, i'm definitely curious to read about someone people are trying to kill...on her birthday, no less!
ReplyDeleteVery hooked.
And, yes, I agree with someone else that the title is intriguing.
Hooked.
ReplyDeleteHooked. :)
ReplyDeletehooked and imagining what her birthday presents will be like if people are trying to kill her. and i disagree that the sentence implies something else. i suppose it is all how someone interprets it. personally, though, i'd keep it the way it is.
ReplyDeleteHooked! I love, love the way you managed to not only set the entire opener in one sentence but add voice as well. makes me think this story will be filled with good writing.
ReplyDeleteI see how some may find the wording a bit tricky, but it still hooked me anyway. (:
ReplyDeleteHooked!
ReplyDeleteHooked. That one sentence packs a punch! He assumed someone wouldn't want to kill him (her?) on his birthday, and implies that he assumed wrong. To me, it also implies that this isn't the first time someone tried to kill him. Great title as well. I'd read on.
ReplyDelete