Thursday, March 25, 2010

8 Paranormal Romance

TITLE: Keeper
GENRE: Paranormal Romance



He was watching me that whole day, the entire time we were moving out of our house. I didn't know. But then, nobody ever does.

18 comments:

  1. I'd flip flop the 1st sentence to fix the flow and I'm a little hooked..

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  2. I like the idea more than I like the writing. I'd read a little more to see if the writing settled.

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  3. Hooked. Seems appropriate for the genre, to me.

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  4. I'm hooked, and it was the last sentence that did it.

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  5. I'm not entirely hooked yet.... I think the problem here was the forced tightness because of length. I don't know if she/he meant that nobody ever knows about the watcher or nobody ever watches the protagonist.

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  6. Intrigued. I'd read on.

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  7. I was about to say 'not hooked' then I couldn't figure out why I wasn't hooked. So, I'd have to give it a few more paragraphs to actually determine if I was hooked or not.

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  8. Pretty hooked. I'm worried about what's going to happen.

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  9. eh, I agree that it doesn't seem important if he's always watching people.

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  10. Kinda there. Watch out for the was/were VERB-ing giving way to passive voice. Try to use VERB-ed instead whenever possible. This gives me the feel that this guy watched the MC in a way that no one could know he watched her. Hmmm.

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  11. I liked the first sentence. That was hooky. The second and third were too vague and turned me off. What didn't she know? If I knew, I might've read more.

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  12. The wording is a little awkward, but I like where I think this is going. Semi-hooked.

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  13. not hooked. the writing doesn't flow right.

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  14. Thanks for the great feedback. Catherine K. was right. I had to take out a few words to hit the 25 maximum and it messed with the flow. Thanks for the input everyone!

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  15. I'm pretty much hooked with this one. But it sounds more like a thriller than a romance.

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  16. The story sounds like it would be interesting, but this snippet is all backstory. Not hooked.

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  17. Almost--the writing feels like it's lacking something, although I'm intrigued by what's going on.

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