Miss Snark's First Victim
Cool! The first sentence is kind of lyrical, and the second one is blunt. Nice contrast. I'd read on.
Wow, violent!Maybe hooked.
I like it
This is different. I like it, but I'm not sure if I'm totally hooked.
I want to know what happens next. Good job.
I want to know why the MC has violent feelings towards Mel. I'd give it a few more lines to justify herself/himself.
Awesome punch with the sentence structures differing. I'm hooked, but tentatively. If the MC is violent enough to consider snapping someone's fingers, that may be too violent for me.
Present tense is really hard for me to read. I would like to read more, but I'd cringe the whole way. So, you've got me hooked, even though I think you need a tense change.
Not too keen on the present tense either, but I might read a little more, if only to see why the narrator is so hostile to Mel.
Oh, nice and violent voice there. I'd read on.
Hooked. The second sentence does it for me - I like it! :-)
bring on the violence. i'm hooked.
Ouch! Definitely a twist :)
I like this! Definitely hooked. I have a YA supernatural short with the same title! It's a good title. >_<
Ooh, took me by a surprise, in a good way.
Hooked. Why does Mel have tape on her fingers, and why does MC want to rip them off?I would, however, cut the passivity. Mel picks the tape off her long, brown fingers.I want to snap them in half. You don't have to say the MC watched. That's assumed. And then you say it twice with watched and peering.
I'm hooked by the second sentence. It all works for me!
I'm curious about the hostility, but I'm not sure if I'd read on or not. I might skim down to see what else is going on... I'm so undecided!
Hooked--get that girl, Mel! I can feel your MC's annoyance.
Nice. I'd read more.
As I've mentioned to other people, not a big fan of present tense. I can't say I'm hooked here, but the snapping of the fingers has me intrigued enough that I'd give it a little more.